When you visit

Before you step into my house
Read these instructions carefully:
Do not touch the walls
With wet hands;
The door and window curtains
Are also not to be fingered;
Do not open the fridge
Or help yourself
To the mineral water
Or soft drinks;
Do not expect to be
Welcomed cordially
Even if you have brought gifts;
You may sit down
On the chairs upright
Without disturbing the cushion covers;
This is not a museum
To go around and peer,
Exploration is strictly forbidden;
You may not switch on the fans yourself
If you feel the room is suffocating
You may request us
To put them on
However, we reserve the right
To oblige you
Or reject the plea;
Under no circumstances
Should the television be used,
The same goes for the telephone too;
Refreshments may or may not be given
They are not to be expected
As a matter of right;
We may or may not
Engage you in conversation
It all depends
If we are socially inclined
At that particular hour
We may even go about our business
As if you didn't exist,
However, you are free to leave anytime
We will not insist that you stay for lunch,
Thank you, visit us again.