if i cannot go back

if i cannot go back should i die 

and not shame my progenitors

how can a home i grew up in

overnight exile me leaving me 

at the mercy of strangers who 

turned me into an insect they

tortured at will because they 

could ---- how did this world 

so full of love turn into a dark 

cave of wild beasts for me ---

if i cannot go back where can 

i go but away hoping i do

not wake up in another hell 

where there is more torment ----

i didn't disappear like i thought

i would i only let others disappear

here there are no questions asked

and to be single is not a stigma

my students listen enraptured when i

talk of evolution and how the world

could not have been created by someone

where i live i see familiar trees that dance

when the wind blows and are happy to stay

quiet when the breeze keeps away and

everyone talks about the extreme weather

wishing the rain arrives right on cue like the

flowers do and once i saw a brier go by

leaving behind a trail of marigold and roses

i thought that could well have been myself

i am glad i had the will to leave without

looking back the light of my books lighting 

the way that others too have taken to liberty.